Mommy of two! Family of Four!

This post represents Sophie Elizabeth Lewellen's official welcome into the blogosphere! We're thrilled to announce that she was born via VBAC on Wednesday, July 22nd, at 9:54pm. She was born at Columbia St. Mary's Hospital and was 6 pounds, 3 ounces and 19 inches long. She is absolutely perfect, healthy, and cute as a button.

She is developing beautifully and physically thriving. She's 7 weeks old, and at her last pediatrician appointment she weighed over 9.5 pounds. Given how well she eats, we're guessing she's at least 10 pounds by now. She's already wearing some 3 month-sized clothes!

Moo, baby. Moo. Breastfeeding is finally going extremely well after a rocky start. Sophie refused to nurse from the beginning, and we spent lots of energy, money and sanity trying to get her latched on - all to no avail. (You would not believe the bizarre contraptions they have out there to try to help with this sort of thing. It's actually quite disturbing.) Every time she was hungry I'd try to nurse her, and every time she'd get more and more agitated. It was very stressful for both of us, and eventually I just decided to pump bottles for her and bypass the agony. It was such a relief to make that decision. So now I just pump exclusively, and I love it. There are many advantages: David gets to feed Sophie and have that bonding time with her, and the burden of feeding her doesn't fall solely on my shoulders. And it's so nice to just grab a bottle when we're going out (with Ben, I always found nursing while out/in public physically awkward without my nursing cushion). Fortunately I have tons of milk, so we don't need to do any formula supplementing. My great grandmother Lillian Gleason Swartz said of breastfeeding, and giving one of her infant sons mashed potatoes to make him happy when he was hungry: "Women are either heifers or guernseys. I'm a heifer!" I suppose I'm living in the right state. Moo!!

Party in Sophie's crib, 2am! And 3 am! And 5am! The not-so-good news - and I'm not even going to categorize it as necessarily bad because the more I hear from moms, it seems like normal baby behavior - is that Sophie has a "fussy time" of day, anywhere from late afternoon to the wee hours. Some nights are better than others, to say the least. For example, her bad nights are fussy with no sleep from late afternoon to as late as 3:30am. (Yikes!) A comparably good night is uninterrupted sleep from 1:45am-7:45am. We're just learning to roll with it - or at least, we're trying. We've noticed that if we get too attached to the good nights, we're much more easily bent out of shape when they inevitably don't happen. This is not as easy or simple as it may sound, but again, we're trying. You may remember we were quite spoiled with Ben, who has always been (and continues to be, thank god) a great sleeper. Sophie's just different. David has joked that every parent thinks childhood behavior is all about nurture - until they have their second child. :)

What's wrong, baby? We've tried every ridiculous, cockamamied idea that you could possibly imagine to try to soothe her during these times. We have a swing that plays music and has adjustable speeds. Sometimes she sleeps in it, and at other times she hates it. We have a vibrating papasan chair that she sleeps in; we've put it right in her crib. (The vibration does help her sleep, but only during her non-fussy times.) We have a fan in her room that we use for continuous white noise. She has two other crib soothers (a white noise lamb and a Fisher Price lights and music type thing) hanging from her crib rails. We've tried swaddling, which she hates and makes her cry and wriggle even more. We've tried shushing her (a la Happiest Baby on the Block). We tried giving her milk based formula, which made her barf. We tried giving her soy-based formula, which made her projectile barf. I eliminated garlic, onions, and most dairy from my diet thinking my milk was causing her some tummy trauma, but it didn't seem to matter (and the extreme dietary restriction was making me cranky).

But I think we may have finally found the magic potion - literally. Yesterday we bought some Gripe Water at Walgreens, willing to give pretty much anything a try at this point, and gave her the recommended dosage. She smacked her lips and drank it right down as if it were some kind of special treat (it contains chamomile, fennel, and ginger) and went to bed at 1am, an improvement over her recent pattern of staying up until 4! The chamomile is calming, and the other ingredients are excellent for soothing any kind of digestive woes. We are so relieved to have found something that actually works!

Laughter is the best medicine (especially when you're not getting a lot of sleep)! While all of this may seem like a huge drag - and let me tell you, much of this scene is not a bag of laughs most of the time - there are the moments that make it all worthwhile. Sophie just recently started adding coos and cute vocalizations to her already dazzlingly adorable smiles, and Ben is learning more and more words ("apple", "hop" and "hug" are the newest additions to his budding vocabulary). It defies logic, but just one little smile from my sweethearts can wipe out a whole day of accumulated frustration and exhaustion. And the laughing is the best. Kids are just exploding with comedic potential. For example, Ben sees me pumping a lot, and one day he got his hands on a funnel and held it up curiously to his own chest. Where's the camera when you need it?!

But by far the most hilarious moment since Sophie's homecoming was during a night feeding. Sophie let fly with one of her usual sudden, explosive bowel movements - the force and loudness are really quite shocking - and scared one of the cats so badly she went flying out of the room so fast you could hear her claws scraping frantically on the hallway's hardwood floors like a cartoon sound effect. I laughed so hard I woke David up in the next room. I was so tired I just couldn't help it. It definitely made my whole night!!

So there's a glimpse into the world of going from one to two kids, which, as I'm sure you've heard, is not at all as simple as 1 + 1 = 2. It's crazy, exhausting, fun, joyous, frustrating, exasperating, and heartwarming all at the same time. Often within the same minute!

First post of the year?!! Sheesh.

I am so bad about updating this thing. I can't believe that the last time I updated this was right after Ben's 1st birthday. Whoa.

He's now nearly 19 months, which is such a fun age. He is extremely mobile, increasingly interactive (to the dismay of our three cats), and very smart. Certain things about his behavior continue to amaze and interest me. For example, when I was little I loved to color with crayons and would do so for hours. Ben, however, is more interested in getting them out of the box and then putting them back in, getting them back out again, nibbling on the ends, and shoving them in the spiral of the sketch book he occasionally stabs violently with these poor crayons. Maybe it's a guy thing.

It's also fascinating how he prefers certain books (Diggers, Trucks, Things That Go, Planes, Goodnight Moon, Goodnight Gorilla, A to Z, Old MacDonald) and chooses them repeatedly, often 2-3x in one sitting. Or how he can eat an entire egg for breakfast along with fruit and cheese, or how he is smart enough to make the connection between the fire truck coming down the parkway from the fire station up the road and the picture of one in his book.

I am officially 40 weeks, due Saturday (!!), with Ben's little sister, and it's now going wonderfully thanks to an incredible OBGYN who has given me excellent care and guidance throughout this pregnancy. He has a gentle, upbeat, encouraging bedside manner which seems to gel perfectly with my personality (I am much too hard on myself; my previous doc used to yell at me with no concrete advice, which only prompted shame and subsequent inaction). And seeing a specialist has made all the difference. I just saw a family practice doctor for Ben's pregnancy. This isn't always bad, but some family docs don't know (or won't admit) what they don't know, and won't refer you when necessary.

This was definitely the case with my previous doc, who didn't know, for example, that a misleadingly high blood pressure reading late in pregnancy may be the result of abdominal pressure on the vena cava (main vein in the pelvic area), which is easily remedied by lying on one's left side for a few minutes before taking the reading. Considering that Ben was induced 2 weeks early because of a high blood pressure reading taken without this in mind, this is substantial.

Ben now sees a pediatrician, and I am seeing an internist (someone who specializes in adult internal medicine). This specialist thing is just too important.

Things are really calm and relaxed now, and that's so nice. The baby's room is totally ready for her, my hospital bag is packed, the neighbor is ready to come over and watch Ben at any time, and I am emotionally ready to welcome our new little bundle of joy into the world. Before Ben I had no idea how I would react to motherhood or if I would even like it. But now, knowing the immense, sustained, completely real and fulfilling joy it brings...I can't wait. :)

Of course I am not looking forward to the labor part. If I get that far. (I'm going to try to go non-surgically this time; my OB is all for it and is rooting for me to do a VBAC.) But I am definitely looking forward to not being pregnant anymore. ;) The low back/sciatic/pelvic discomforts are getting old, and so is the impaired mobility and fatigue. But this too shall pass. It's temporary, totally normal, and totally worth it. :)

So that's what's up in this corner of the world. Hope you all are enjoying your summer. I'll try to post more frequently in the future!

Crawling and into EVERYTHING

Whoa! Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I've been busier than Sarah Palin's wardrobe fund manager! Lots to report...where do I start....

Ben started crawling shortly after his 9 month birthday, and he absolutely loves it. At first it started off as this cute little "pull forward/drag knees" sort of motion, and then very quickly it escalated into full-blown maneuvering on all fours. He occasionally does this "bear walk" thing where he drags one leg and uses the other fully extended, little diapered butt stuck proudly in the air. He covers a lot of ground that way.

But wait! There's more! (Geez, I sound like one of those late night infomercials. I gotta write in here more often.)

Standing is also a big hit! He's been pulling himself up more and more, & last week after his afternoon nap I opened the door to find him standing up in his crib, smiling proudly. If we prop him up so he's facing the back of the couch, he'll walk around holding onto the cushions. It's sort of difficult to find things that are safe (i.e., not topple-able) for him to practice standing with, so we might have to buy one of those standing stations or something. Chairs scoot, and plant stands are dangerous. Before long, he'll be running around like a little madman.

Speaking of dangerous, we're working on babyproofing the house. He is getting into absolutely everything. His favorite haunts are, unfortunately for the kitties, the cat food dish and their water fountain in the kitchen. He samples the food pellets eagerly and splashes around in the fountain while shrieking gleefully. We've had to start disciplining. I say, "No touch! No touch! For kitties!" and sometimes he gets it. Sometimes he looks at me like, "What? Me?". A few days ago, for example, he was fixated on the cat food bowl and naughtily kept going back to it no matter how many times I told him no and moved him away. Finally I put him in the playpen, which he hates - it's like Sing Sing to him - and he cried and cried.

Solid food continues to be a big hit, and he's been quite adventurous about sampling (and devouring) more and more adult food. Last week, I fed him pea-sized bites of boneless chicken breast (sauteed in balsamic vinegar) and he snarfed it down eagerly and made loud grunts of approval from his high chair. He also loves David's lentil and bean soups. He enjoys small pieces of clementines, tomatoes, Gerber Finger Food puffs, banana pennies, grape halves, sharp cheddar cheese (he prefers it to provolone), and the timeless classic: Cheerios.

So that's what's been going on in the Beniverse. Tomorrow is Halloween and he's going to be Tigger! :) We're taking him to the nearby mall for several baby-friendly activities, such as free portraits, a hayride, and other fun playing. He'll also get to practice his walking!

Ben's first cold :(

This Friday, poor Benjamin had his very first illness in his entire life - a cold.

We felt just as bad as he did, since there really wasn't much we could give him except Baby Tylenol, our congestion removal assistance (with one of those sucker bulb things) and most of all, lots of comforting.

Probably the worst part of it, aside from the general discomfort, was that his favorite self-soothing technique - sucking the ring and middle fingers of his left hand - rendered him unable to breathe due to his nasal congestion. This meant that we had to keep going into his room to unclog, rock, and relax him so he could go back to sleep. He's still too young to use Vicks VapoRub, so I put some Eucalyptus oil drops on a mini-terry cloth clutch blanket for him. He loved it and instinctively cuddled it close to his face as he turned on his side to go to sleep. But aside from those things, there was really nothing else we could do.

Since I became a mother, I've been dreading Ben's first sickness in the back of my mind. It's one of the favorite complaints of the Doom & Gloom anxiety-mongering crowd: "Just you wait until your child is up all night sick!" I suppose since I hadn't yet experienced taking care of a sick child, it was one of those "fear of the unfamiliar" things.

I was pleasantly surprised. I actually loved being there for our little guy. He really needed us, moreso than usual, and it gave me a lot of satisfaction to be able to make it all better for him. Even in the middle of the night, to be able to pick him up and hug him (one of my favorite things in the whole wide world), sing to him, comfort him, and kiss his little tears away - what an incredibly heady feeling. I just adore rocking with him as he falls asleep on my shoulder, a cute little cuddly dead weight, breathing and sighing contentedly. It's weird - I always thought it would be a drag to be so needed, but it really makes me feel incredible.

When I was moving toward feeling ready to try to have children (a very difficult and heartwrenching process that took the better part of 4 years), one of the things I could imagine really enjoying was teaching, playing, and interacting with a child when s/he was older, at least 4 or 5. What surprises me so much about being a mother is just how much I'm enjoying his babyhood, right now, before he's even walking or talking or able to really interact with us.

Amazing. I just love it.

Sittin' pretty

It's been about a week now that Ben has been consistently sitting up independently of any support! This is exciting for us, of course, because it's a developmental milestone, but he doesn't care about that. For him, it's a whole new perspective. He is now the master of his domain! Well, the master of the 2 foot radius that surrounds him, at least. He can see what he wants and can reach for it.

I love this stage. Because this means now that he can really interact with toys like he hasn't before. I have gotten out the wooden alphabet and number blocks that Dana used as decoration at the Cincinnati baby shower last year and gave to us as a gift. He loves them! What surprises me is just how much fun I'm having, just sitting on the floor playing with him. I build pyramids (both 2d and 3d) with these blocks. He's not really into building or stacking yet, but he very much enjoys knocking over the "buildings" I make. We (okay, I) invented a game, sort of like an improvised version of Jenga, where I see how many blocks I can stack before he knocks them over. I noticed that if you make a small pyramid at the bottom of a single stack (as in, a row of three blocks topped with two blocks, topped with a stack of single blocks) you can get a lot higher than if you just stacked single blocks from the foundation. I assume there's something about the distribution of balance that explains this, but I never took physics, so don't ask me.

We are also getting to the Grabby Stage, sometimes (but not exclusively) accompanied by the Gnawing and Drooling Stage. Anything in his vicinity is fair game. Objects are admired first on their visual appeal, and then appraised as to their gnawability. The evaluation process is fascinating and amusing to watch, except when it's your hair that's being grabbed, pulled, yanked, and eventually masticated and matted down with drool.

But even then it's pretty fun.

The cats love him, but stay a safe distance away from him even when coming close to investigate this strange creature that was smaller than they were when it came home with us 8 months ago and keeps getting bigger and bigger and louder and wetter. We are just loving every single step of this journey called parenthood; it's just such fun and so fascinating.

Changeling returns to Planet Milwaukee

I got so sucked into - and swept up in - mountain life in Breck this summer that I found it very jarring and strange somehow to come back to Wisconsin.

I don't know what it is. Perhaps the perfectly manicured gardens and hanging baskets I got so used to in that affluent ski resort area made the weeds and overgrown gardens in my own yard seem that much more glaring. Or the two-story condo we had to ourselves, complete with balconies off of every room overlooking spacious mountain views, making our tiny 3 bedroom ranch seem rabbit-holish by comparison.

And then there's the humidity. Which I mind far less than I know some people do. What can I say. It does good things for my hair and skin. But it can, in large quantities, make one feel sticky and nasty. There's nothing worse than bumping into a wall on your way down the hall and sticking to it.

But I think the weirdness really comes from having had such a fantastic, restorative and rejuvenating time, and worrying that all the amazing things I got from the change of perspective are somehow attached to the location and will leave me as soon as I move away from them geographically. Having typed that out, it sounds ridiculous, I know. But truly, there's something so powerful about uprooting yourself from your regular habitat and routines and plunking yourself down in an entirely different location for an extended period of time.

Again, perspective.

As I continue to settle in and realize that of course all of the internal change and growth that I experienced this summer is still with me despite the geography of things, I am relaxing a bit. I am still in possession of this very new, fledgling awareness of how my body reacts to certain foods and how clean and wonderful it can feel when I minimize those foods. I still love my new horn and am amazed at how long it took me to come around to the brass horn side of things. (Of course, it didn't help that the first two brass horns I tried weren't good matches for me, but you know.)

Despite the stress of childcare, I had a fantastic summer. This festival is challenging for me, and it was nice to be stretched, to force myself to grow and expand and open up to possibilities I may not have seen if I had just stayed home.

But that's just me. And perhaps it was just this summer. But I do know that I definitely plan to go back to the mountains next summer.

Mountains. Definitely not molehills.

This summer has flown by faster than a greased pig, so much so that I literally haven't had a nanosecond to write about it in here. So here's the Reader's Digest version of things.

Our basement is stabilized - dry and mold-free, and waiting for us to get home next week to choose new carpeting to be installed. Since we are not putting down padding underneath it, we opted for a high quality, thick, high-texture-resiliency type that was within the budget allotted by our insurance. I picked out several neutral (= cat barf camouflaging) colors that I will choose from. (David wanted none of the decision-making with regard to color, so it's all on me. Which is fine.) So that's good.

This is the last week of BMF here in Breckenridge, CO, where I've spent most of July and all of August so far. I can't tell you how much fun I've had, and man, does it make a difference to be at this altitude (9,600 feet elevation) without being pregnant. I had a monster headache the night we arrived, but I popped an Excedrin (gotta love that stuff!) and poof!! Gone. I had a great practice session that night, too. Because our condo is so much closer to the performing arts center than the one I stayed in last year, I've been loving walking to and from rehearsals with my spiffy new lightweight new Thompson Edition case on my back!

It's been a great season: Beethoven's 8th, Pines of Rome, Bernstein "On The Town" and "Fancy Free", Porgy & Bess, an all John Williams concert...and this week, we're doing Corigliano and John Adams!! Does it get any better than this??!! Oh, and for those of you who've known me as a die-hard 8D fan pretty much my whole life, you'd better sit down before you read this...I brought both the Yamadouble and the 8D out this summer, and realized....are you ready for this?...that I prefer my 667D hands down!! Is that a jaw dropper or what?! Listen, nobody was more surprised at this than I was! Since I had just gotten the Yamaha in late March and am required to play a brass horn at work (the 8D is nickel silver and thus has a very different sound that wouldn't blend well at all with the section), I never had the option of choosing before this summer, and I really sat down and compared the two of them. The Yamadouble is so much better in tune, light years easier to play, and the crystalline response and clarity...I just can't get over how much I adore it. It's about time I found a brass horn I liked this much!

Benjamin is doing fabulously, as usual. He sleeps 12 uninterrupted hours at night and still enjoys mid-morning and afternoon naps. (We enjoy his naps too. :D) He is almost ready to sit up on his own; it's a balance thing for him, since his head is so big and he's so lean and long. His legs continue to be strong and hilariously muscular; you should see his little quads and calves! He's not crawling yet, but man does he ever scoot. He can motor around the room on his back, using the back of his head and his legs in this weird crab-like backwards crawl. It's so entertaining. He is no longer breastfeeding, because he also now has two lower teeth which he thought it was uproariously funny to bite me with. (Me: "OWWWWWW!! No bite!!" Ben: "Heee!!" {big grin}) That was the end of nursing for me. Ah well...I can say I breastfed for 7.5 months, and that's pretty good. He's really much more interested in solid foods anyway. Garden Vegetables are his favorite.

This week David's mom is visiting to help take care of Ben and also to have a little vacation; David himself arrives on Thursday morning - yay! - and we drive back to Wisconsin on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. We'll stop in NE the first night and IA the second. Since we installed a nifty mirror above Ben's car seat, meaning he can see us and communicate with us in transit, he is a champion traveler. It's been a great summer in so many ways, and I'll be very happy to get back to our home, kitties, gardens, and the comfort of everyday Milwaukee life.

Is it June already?

I can't believe it. It sure doesn't seem like it.

Well, here in Wisconsin it doesn't, anyway. It's been cold and rainy.

The rain part is fine; I love rain. It's my favorite weather - specifically, big, loud, flashy thunderstorms. We had some of those last night. I nursed Ben during one of them and during his burp break, he saw some lightning as he was standing on the nursing pillow looking out of his bedroom windows, followed by a huge crash of thunder. He was startled and looked at me for a cue as to how to react. So I gave him a huge smile, and he gave me one back.

What a little cutie.

He is growing and changing so fast. I know that sounds trite, and of course it's the way things should be; but it's all so new to us, and we just love it. His vocalizations are becoming more and more elaborate and musical. He has these beautiful, flute-like upper-register babblings, trills, and birdlike gurgles. They are heartwarmingly endearing. (They are also getting louder, but that's okay, too.)

He's teething as well, which means a lot of gnawing. His hands, your hands, burp cloths, blankets, teething rings, rattles, binkies - pretty much anything in his mouth's vicinity qualifies as gnaw fodder. Along with the teething is the grabbing. Mommy's hair is a very popular target. I often have to pry my tresses free of his tight little fists, one cute pudgy finger at a time, saying, "gentle, gentle". Also amusing, with the increased tactile awareness. is his interaction with the cats, since Bianca and Emma love to jump up on the nursing pillow with him. Today he reached out to pet Emma, which freaked her out and sent her flying. David, who is more annoyed by Emma than the other two cats, found this quite entertaining.

Solid foods continue to go over well. We've given him pears and peas recently. The peas are a big hit! I was all ready with the digicam cocked and pointed at his face when I first introduced them, expecting a grimace or "yech" face. But he just gobbled them right up. David chastised me for expecting him not to like the peas, saying we shouldn't influence his food preferences by expecting him to react one way or the other. Perhaps when he's old enough to pick up on that sort of thing.

As of right now, he's not quite 6 months, and I think it's safe to assume that this kind of subtle humor still eludes him.

The other hilarious thing I feel it appropriate to mention is that the two sounds that cause him to open his mouth the widest for the spoon are a descending bomb explosion (high-to-low whistle followed by detonating sound) and a sputtering plane breaking down (think Snoopy and his Red Baron). Those are his favorites.

Notice the pea trajectory on the high chair tray: he had just sneezed with a mouth full of them. :-D

Oh, DROOL!!

That's supposed to be one of the first signs of teething. We have the motherlode of drool in our house now, and Ben is its fountain. Gnawing and refusal to nurse are other symptoms. We've got that action going on too.

And our previously amazing little sleeper, who was sleeping 12 consecutive hours at night, has now been waking at around midnight, screaming bloody murder. To be fair, last night he was actually really hungry - I think because he hadn't eaten well before bed because of his gummy woes.

So tonight I loaded him up with solid foods, since eating with a spoon doesn't seem to bother him as much as sucking. He's getting really good at it, too (as opposed to his first experiences eating from a spoon, where he looked like a bowl of porridge had exploded all over him). He's an alarmingly wonderful eater. Tonight he mowed through half a container of bananas, half a container of prunes (which, hilariously, he loved), a full tablespoon of single grain oatmeal mixed with breastmilk, and 5 ounces of mixed formula & breastmilk. (We're officially supplementing now.)

And after I cleaned him up, burped and changed him, he wanted to nurse!!

So now begins a new era - teething rings, frozen washcloths, and miscellaneous plastic objects for him to chew on. I assembled his high chair, and he loves it - it's much easier to feed him solids in it than his Bumbo. I'm going shopping tomorrow for some more formula, rice cereal, and baby food. I might try him on some more single veggies - so far he's just had squash, which, like his mother, he's not all that enthused about. ;)