First post of the year?!! Sheesh.

I am so bad about updating this thing. I can't believe that the last time I updated this was right after Ben's 1st birthday. Whoa.

He's now nearly 19 months, which is such a fun age. He is extremely mobile, increasingly interactive (to the dismay of our three cats), and very smart. Certain things about his behavior continue to amaze and interest me. For example, when I was little I loved to color with crayons and would do so for hours. Ben, however, is more interested in getting them out of the box and then putting them back in, getting them back out again, nibbling on the ends, and shoving them in the spiral of the sketch book he occasionally stabs violently with these poor crayons. Maybe it's a guy thing.

It's also fascinating how he prefers certain books (Diggers, Trucks, Things That Go, Planes, Goodnight Moon, Goodnight Gorilla, A to Z, Old MacDonald) and chooses them repeatedly, often 2-3x in one sitting. Or how he can eat an entire egg for breakfast along with fruit and cheese, or how he is smart enough to make the connection between the fire truck coming down the parkway from the fire station up the road and the picture of one in his book.

I am officially 40 weeks, due Saturday (!!), with Ben's little sister, and it's now going wonderfully thanks to an incredible OBGYN who has given me excellent care and guidance throughout this pregnancy. He has a gentle, upbeat, encouraging bedside manner which seems to gel perfectly with my personality (I am much too hard on myself; my previous doc used to yell at me with no concrete advice, which only prompted shame and subsequent inaction). And seeing a specialist has made all the difference. I just saw a family practice doctor for Ben's pregnancy. This isn't always bad, but some family docs don't know (or won't admit) what they don't know, and won't refer you when necessary.

This was definitely the case with my previous doc, who didn't know, for example, that a misleadingly high blood pressure reading late in pregnancy may be the result of abdominal pressure on the vena cava (main vein in the pelvic area), which is easily remedied by lying on one's left side for a few minutes before taking the reading. Considering that Ben was induced 2 weeks early because of a high blood pressure reading taken without this in mind, this is substantial.

Ben now sees a pediatrician, and I am seeing an internist (someone who specializes in adult internal medicine). This specialist thing is just too important.

Things are really calm and relaxed now, and that's so nice. The baby's room is totally ready for her, my hospital bag is packed, the neighbor is ready to come over and watch Ben at any time, and I am emotionally ready to welcome our new little bundle of joy into the world. Before Ben I had no idea how I would react to motherhood or if I would even like it. But now, knowing the immense, sustained, completely real and fulfilling joy it brings...I can't wait. :)

Of course I am not looking forward to the labor part. If I get that far. (I'm going to try to go non-surgically this time; my OB is all for it and is rooting for me to do a VBAC.) But I am definitely looking forward to not being pregnant anymore. ;) The low back/sciatic/pelvic discomforts are getting old, and so is the impaired mobility and fatigue. But this too shall pass. It's temporary, totally normal, and totally worth it. :)

So that's what's up in this corner of the world. Hope you all are enjoying your summer. I'll try to post more frequently in the future!

News from the wild upper-midwest tundra

Wow. Where did the time go? I'll give you the cliff notes version of what's been going on in the Hamlin-Lewellen hemisphere...

1. It's butt-numbingly cold here in Milwaukee. Weather.com just showed us at a whopping 6 degrees with 30mph winds. Which, it computes, means it feels like it's -17 degrees. So we're freezing our gazoingles off. We also got completely bombed with snow. We got a foot of the stuff on Friday, and ever since those dang winds keep blowing it everywhere. The snow drifts are actually quite cool sometimes - you should see the sculptures on our deck through our glass doors. It's like sand dunes only with snow. But on to more pleasant and heartwarming news...(hey, if your ass has to be cold, your heart should at least be warm...)
   
2. Who's a big boy? Who is? Who IS??! Ben is now 1 year old! Where did the time go? I can't remember life without him. He's just such a lovable, happy, well-adjusted little guy. I think what surprises me even more than how fast it's gone is how much I just love his company. His new thing is to crawl very rapidly, slapping his hands and knees down with great enthusiasm, as he chases the cats down the hall with loud sighs/laughs that sound like wheezing. Of course this does not exactly motivate the cats to stay and wait for him to catch them, especially since his primary way of experiencing tactile things is to grab with his fists. He's also switching from formula over to whole milk. This is great for the budget, but not so great for whoever has to clean up a milk barf. Nothing like bilious, sour barf, right? Makes mommy want to join right in.
   
3. My parents gave Ben this great car toy for his birthday that makes all these loud car sounds, honks, makes engine and siren sounds, and vibrates loudly. Ben is scared shitless of it. Poor little guy. David and I were trying our best, quite unsuccessfully, not to laugh as we were comforting him. I bet he'll love it when he's 2 or 3. Ben is the only grandson on both sides and I'm sure my parents were just so glad to be able to buy boy stuff (the princess crap gets old, I'm told).
   
4. We did a whole mess of holiday concerts in the greater Milwaukee area. True, it's mindnumbingly tedious to play a zillion renditions of the Emporer Waltzes, the Robert Russell Bennet "Selections from the Sound of Music", and the Christmas Singalong that feels like it's 20 minutes long with the horns playing nonstop (mouthpiece through the back of the head, anyone?). But these concerts are some of the most important ones we do, because many of the people at the places we go - retirement homes, hospitals, assisted living facilities - would not be able to travel out to see us. To witness the sheer joy and transformation on these people's faces got me so emotional it was difficult to play, especially at the children's hospital where they televised the concert because so many of the children couldn't leave their rooms they were so sick. Just thinking about that makes me tear up like a blubbering idiot. Now that's the true meaning of the holiday season.
   
5. I have become seriously addicted to listening to trance and dance music on my iPod. Is that so wrong? I know the good Zen masters say you should really be fully present for whatever boring or odious chore you have to do (washing the dishes is Thich Nhat Hanh's favorite example), but I find it goes so much faster if I do it with the good ol' little Nano pumpin' through my ear buds. I guess I'm not a very good Zenmaster. I recommend "Rock (Radio Mix)" by M.Y.C, "Sunrise (Radio Edit)" by Angel City, and "Clear Blue Water (Radio Edit)" by OceanLab. All three songs give the best rush! I can be completely exhausted and put this stuff on and get an instant surge of energy. It's total ear caffeine.
   
6. Which is good, because I have gone completely off of actual caffeine except for an occasional mug of green tea, which doesn't even have as much as black tea, which doesn't have as much as coffee. And I've also figured out why so much decaf coffee tastes like complete ass! It's because most of it is chemically processed to remove the caffeine. If you get the water processed stuff, which is so much better for you anyway (who needs a chemical shit storm going on in their body, anyway?!), it actually tastes quite yummy and doesn't give you the jitters (or the shits, which regular coffee often does to me - one of the many reasons I gave it up).
   

So that's it in a nutshell. Alright, so that was a pretty big nutshell. But those of you who know how longwinded I am can appreciate the relative brevity here. Have a great week, and keep any appendages you wish to remain attached to you warm so they don't freeze off and bounce right out onto the frozen pavement!!

Crawling and into EVERYTHING

Whoa! Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I've been busier than Sarah Palin's wardrobe fund manager! Lots to report...where do I start....

Ben started crawling shortly after his 9 month birthday, and he absolutely loves it. At first it started off as this cute little "pull forward/drag knees" sort of motion, and then very quickly it escalated into full-blown maneuvering on all fours. He occasionally does this "bear walk" thing where he drags one leg and uses the other fully extended, little diapered butt stuck proudly in the air. He covers a lot of ground that way.

But wait! There's more! (Geez, I sound like one of those late night infomercials. I gotta write in here more often.)

Standing is also a big hit! He's been pulling himself up more and more, & last week after his afternoon nap I opened the door to find him standing up in his crib, smiling proudly. If we prop him up so he's facing the back of the couch, he'll walk around holding onto the cushions. It's sort of difficult to find things that are safe (i.e., not topple-able) for him to practice standing with, so we might have to buy one of those standing stations or something. Chairs scoot, and plant stands are dangerous. Before long, he'll be running around like a little madman.

Speaking of dangerous, we're working on babyproofing the house. He is getting into absolutely everything. His favorite haunts are, unfortunately for the kitties, the cat food dish and their water fountain in the kitchen. He samples the food pellets eagerly and splashes around in the fountain while shrieking gleefully. We've had to start disciplining. I say, "No touch! No touch! For kitties!" and sometimes he gets it. Sometimes he looks at me like, "What? Me?". A few days ago, for example, he was fixated on the cat food bowl and naughtily kept going back to it no matter how many times I told him no and moved him away. Finally I put him in the playpen, which he hates - it's like Sing Sing to him - and he cried and cried.

Solid food continues to be a big hit, and he's been quite adventurous about sampling (and devouring) more and more adult food. Last week, I fed him pea-sized bites of boneless chicken breast (sauteed in balsamic vinegar) and he snarfed it down eagerly and made loud grunts of approval from his high chair. He also loves David's lentil and bean soups. He enjoys small pieces of clementines, tomatoes, Gerber Finger Food puffs, banana pennies, grape halves, sharp cheddar cheese (he prefers it to provolone), and the timeless classic: Cheerios.

So that's what's been going on in the Beniverse. Tomorrow is Halloween and he's going to be Tigger! :) We're taking him to the nearby mall for several baby-friendly activities, such as free portraits, a hayride, and other fun playing. He'll also get to practice his walking!

Yogaliciousness

I first discovered yoga back in 1996.

Before we talk about yoga, though, I need to give you some background. I had been out of graduate school for 2 years, and frankly, wasn't coping too well. It was the common illusion at CIM that you, of course being the best in your class (ha ha), would win a job right away; but this was not the case for most of us.

In fact, I was only just beginning to break into the freelance scene in Cleveland. I was piecing together a living by juggling several part time jobs, driving ridiculous distances to any orchestras that would have me, and enduring lots of personal stress along with it all.

So of course I fueled my insane lifestyle with chocolate, fast food (hell, who has time to cook with 7 part time jobs?!), diet soda by the bucket, and late-night meals. Often these things were to cure boredom and sleepiness as well as hunger; having something to do on the abysmally dull two-hour drive home from Erie, PA back to Cleveland was preferable to falling asleep at the wheel. And sometimes the wastebasket-sized vat of diet Pepsi was the only thing that kept me awake for a morning kiddie concert when I hadn't gotten home from the previous night's gig until after 1am.

It won't surprise you to learn, then, that after a few years of the space-shuttle mileage drives and ludicrous schedules, I developed a pre-ulceric version of gastritis, or gastric reflux disease (mine was pronounced and quite severe).

I went to my doctor only after I'd eaten enough Tums to turn me into a giant piece of chalk to no avail, and she prescribed a clinical strength Zantac for me. But what was rare in today's medical profession was that she sat down and talked to me for quite a while about other non-medicinal ways I could help heal my condition. (I think I'm only just now beginning to appreciate how lucky I was to be one of the few to get this treatment in today's over-prescribed and under-prevention-educated world of Western medicine.)

She actually recommended yoga and meditation as tools for stress management. For some reason I lit up when she said it, and so I went straight to Borders and bought my first yoga mat, a 3-VHS tape set for beginners, a yoga strap and block (props for modifying the poses for whatever your body needs at that moment). I'll never forget the first time I practiced. As I popped in the tape, I was bracing myself for yet another self-punishing and infinitely annoying exercise routine, with a row of eerily synchronized slap-worthy Barbie clones in their perfect leotards enthusiastically shouting out, "and BREATHE and ONE and TWO and FEEL THE BURN! BLAST that flab!" all with Mickey Mouse plastic lipsticked smiles permanently tattooed on their faces.

Instead the woman (Suzanne Deason, Gaiam's Gentle Yoga for Beginners) was calm and compassionate. I stood in my first Mountain Pose, put my hands together in Namaste, and immediately started crying. It was so kind, so inward and loving - absolutely not what I was used to feeling toward myself, and completely the opposite of what my frenzied life had become. My practice was sporadic but I kept picking it back up. I stopped eating late at night and no longer consumed my usual obscene amounts of chocolate and diet soda. I took about half the bottle of Zantac before I realized that I didn't even need it anymore.

It was then that I really became aware of my own ability to heal myself from the inside out. I read Caroline Myss's _Anatomy of the Spirit_ and for the first time learned about the chakras and their connection to emotion, thought and behavior patterns. I've been a dedicated yoga lover ever since.

So over the past 12 years, I've mostly practiced on my own. I tried several different yoga classes back in NE Ohio, and none of them felt right. There was one studio where the owner had some downright scary and slightly predatory (financially speaking) energy, and that experience alone had me vowing to be a home solitary practitioner for the rest of my life.

I did finally have my first positive experience with a yoga class, given by one of my best friends in Cleveland, Tamara Murphy-Klinder at Mindful Motion in Lakewood. She was so wonderful and the class was such a positive experience that it opened up my mind to looking for a class here in Milwaukee.

The portal for this turned out to be my church. I love the energy there and knew I'd feel comfortable, so when I saw a beginning Hatha Yoga class in the RE class schedule, I signed up. And boy, am I glad I did. I absolutely love it. I surprised myself by being able to do all of the postures and feeling strong and limber during most of them. The teacher, Kris Kramer, is nothing short of amazing. She speaks so informatively and clearly, and is constantly encouraging and knocking down any sorts of mental blocks and insecurities that might prevent you from being fully in your body. I cannot begin to tell you how life altering this is, especially for anyone with body issues.

I just got home from a class with her, and I can still feel my body singing with vibrancy, energy flow, awareness. I feel like my "yoga glow" is radiating out into the next room as I type this! I know I can't cling to it and expect it to last the whole week, but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Brilliant article by Steinem on Palin

Wrong Woman, Wrong Message

By Gloria Steinem

Sept. 4th, 2008 LA Times

Here's the good news: Women have become so politically powerful that even the anti-feminist right wing -- the folks with a headlock on the Republican Party -- are trying to appease the gender gap with a first-ever female vice president. We owe this to women -- and to many men too -- who have picketed, gone on hunger strikes or confronted violence at the polls so women can vote. We owe it to Shirley Chisholm, who first took the "white-male-only" sign off the White House, and to Hillary Rodham Clinton, who hung in there through ridicule and misogyny to win 18 million votes.

But here is even better news: It won't work. This isn't the first time a boss has picked an unqualified woman just because she agrees with him and opposes everything most other women want and need.

Feminism has never been about getting a job for one woman. It's about making life more fair for women everywhere. It's not about a piece of the existing pie; there are too many of us for that. It's about baking a new pie.

Selecting Sarah Palin, who was touted all summer by Rush Limbaugh, is no way to attract most women, including die-hard Clinton supporters. Palin shares nothing but a chromosome with Clinton. Her down-home, divisive and deceptive speech did nothing to cosmeticize a Republican convention that has more than twice as many male delegates as female, a presidential candidate who is owned and operated by the right wing and a platform that opposes pretty much everything Clinton's candidacy stood for -- and that Barack Obama's still does. To vote in protest for McCain/Palin would be like saying, "Somebody stole my shoes, so I'll amputate my legs."

This is not to beat up on Palin. I defend her right to be wrong, even on issues that matter most to me. I regret that people say she can't do the job because she has children in need of care, especially if they wouldn't say the same about a father. I get no pleasure from imagining her in the spotlight on national and foreign policy issues about which she has zero background, with one month to learn to compete with Sen. Joe Biden's 37 years' experience.

Palin has been honest about what she doesn't know. When asked last month about the vice presidency, she said, "I still can't answer that question until someone answers for me: What is it exactly that the VP does every day?" When asked about Iraq, she said, "I haven't really focused much on the war in Iraq."

She was elected governor largely because the incumbent was unpopular, and she's won over Alaskans mostly by using unprecedented oil wealth to give a $1,200 rebate to every resident. Now she is being praised by McCain's campaign as a tax cutter, despite the fact that Alaska has no state income or sales tax. Perhaps McCain has opposed affirmative action for so long that he doesn't know it's about inviting more people to meet standards, not lowering them. Or perhaps McCain is following the Bush administration habit, as in the Justice Department, of putting a job candidate's views on "God, guns and gays" ahead of competence. The difference is that McCain is filling a job one 72-year-old heartbeat away from the presidency.

So let's be clear: The culprit is John McCain. He may have chosen Palin out of change-envy, or a belief that women can't tell the difference between form and content, but the main motive was to please right-wing ideologues; the same ones who nixed anyone who is now or ever has been a supporter of reproductive freedom. If that were not the case, McCain could have chosen a woman who knows what a vice president does and who has thought about Iraq; someone like Texas Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison or Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine.

McCain could have taken a baby step away from right-wing patriarchs who determine his actions, right down to opposing the Violence Against Women Act.

Palin's value to those patriarchs is clear: She opposes just about every issue that women support by a majority or plurality. She believes that creationism should be taught in public schools but disbelieves global warming; she opposes gun control but supports government control of women's wombs; she opposes stem cell research but approves "abstinence-only" programs, which increase unwanted births, sexually transmitted diseases and abortions; she tried to use taxpayers' millions for a state program to shoot wolves from the air but didn't spend enough money to fix a state school system with the lowest high-school graduation rate in the nation; she runs with a candidate who opposes the Fair Pay Act but supports $500 million in subsidies for a natural gas pipeline across Alaska; she supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve, though even McCain has opted for the lesser evil of offshore drilling. She is Phyllis Schlafly, only younger.

I don't doubt her sincerity. As a lifetime member of the National Rifle Assn., she doesn't just support killing animals from helicopters, she does it herself. She doesn't just talk about increasing the use of fossil fuels but puts a coal-burning power plant in her own small town. She doesn't just echo McCain's pledge to criminalize abortion by overturning Roe vs. Wade, she says that if one of her daughters were impregnated by rape or incest, she should bear the child. She not only opposes reproductive freedom as a human right but implies that it dictates abortion, without saying that it also protects the right to have a child.

So far, the major new McCain supporter that Palin has attracted is James Dobson of Focus on the Family. Of course, for Dobson, "women are merely waiting for their husbands to assume leadership," so he may be voting for Palin's husband.

Being a hope-a-holic, however, I can see two long-term bipartisan gains from this contest.

Republicans may learn they can't appeal to right-wing patriarchs and most women at the same time. A loss in November could cause the centrist majority of Republicans to take back their party, which was the first to support the Equal Rights Amendment and should be the last to want to invite government into the wombs of women.

And American women, who suffer more because of having two full-time jobs than from any other single injustice, finally have support on a national stage from male leaders who know that women can't be equal outside the home until men are equal in it. Barack Obama and Joe Biden are campaigning on their belief that men should be, can be and want to be at home for their children.

This could be huge.

_____

Gloria Steinem is an author, feminist organizer and co-founder of the Women's Media Center. She supported Hillary Clinton and is now supporting Barack Obama.