Help me, doc! I have Blogarrhea!!

Yes, apparently someone on my (perhaps not so rigorously screened) "friends and family" email list has told others in my orbit that I have "Blogarrhea"!

Of course the person who used what s/he probably thinks is such a witty term did not talk to me directly about his/her distaste for what s/he apparently thinks is "TMI" with regard to my blog, because where would be the drama in that? It's much more fun to gossip about it to other people, don't you know! Plus, it makes it so much more pleasant for your judgee when she ends up hearing it through the rumor mill rather than directly from you.

The thing that's hilarious here is that since I started this blog (last year) I have been averaging 2 to 3 blog entries a month. This is not a lot, folks. I have friends who blog close to every day. What, then, would their afflictions be? Sblogtaneous combustion? Blogchitis? Irritable Blogwel Syndrome?

Here's the deal, folks. I know not everyone on this email list is necessarily interested in my blog, or even actually reads my emails. But that's not why I write to you. I write because it's a small but significant way of staying connected, a way of communicating to you what is going on in my world. To tell you the truth, my favorite part of writing emails and blog posts isn't the actual writing but the feedback. I love hearing from you, hearing about your lives, getting your advice. Your emails, comments and responses just make my day.

To tell you the godshonest truth, I get a lot of emails that I could do without. I'd just rather delete them than go around insulting the person who sent them to me.

Whenever we get an email from someone, particularly an original email written by the sender, it means that person is thinking of us and wants to stay connected with us. Rather than sending out forwards with millions of undeleted headers with bouncing animated smilies and doggies wagging their tails telling me "You're my friend so forward this back to me so I'll know I'm your friend too" (god I hate those) or 100 reasons why the 10 Commandments and the American Flag should be mandatorily tattooed on the insides of everyone's eyelids, I would rather - I know, it's crazy - compose my own writings. So sue me.

Anyway, I have learned a hard but necessary lesson this summer, and I want to thank the insensitive and judgmental people who taught it to me. Gossip and mean comments are hurtful, and I finally realized that in my lifelong attempt to avoid them, I have wasted inordinate amounts of energy trying to be even more perfect, more fabulous and more outstanding in order to hopefully distract people from judging me. But it's never going to work. Believe me, I've tried every possible scheme for it. My performances in certain social situations have been so brilliant I deserve several Academy Awards.

What I learned this summer is this. There will always be people in the world who only see your faults. It doesn't matter how many auditions I win, how nice and funny and well-dressed I try to be, how many solo performances and concerts I land, how many achievements or contributions I make in this world. There will always be those who will judge us, say mean things about us - and never, of course, to our faces, because they know that what they're saying about you is hurtful. (This proves that they know damn well that what they're saying is inexcusable.)

I have also learned that these hurtful comments are much more of a reflection of the people saying them than on the people they slam. What you have to do is to develop your own sense of worth and realize that you have no need for their approval. (This is easier said than done, but if you want to stay on this side of the insane asylum fence, you'd better learn it.)

Most importantly, you must speak up when someone says something mean or insulting to you instead of making excuses for them. We teach people how to treat us. If we make excuses for people's bad behavior, they will learn that they can use you as their doormat.

For those of you who don't like my emails and would rather be taken off the list, here's a thought - have the cahones to actually write me and tell me yourself you want off, or just delete them. Please. I know that's not the most entertaining or dramatic route, but there you go.

For nearly everyone else on this list, your support, email feedback, and friendships have been tremendous - - thank you. You are true friends.

And I'm not going to stop writing. Sorry, Gossip Monkey.

Gossip Monkey. Heh. I like that. :)

Darcy