Have you ever watched those makeover TV shows? I try to avoid them, but sometimes when I'm flipping through the channels when nothing else is on, I'm somehow captivated by it. It's like watching a car wreck - sort of morbid fascination.
What usually happens, if you've not seen one of these shows, is that several obnoxious, loud, fast-speaking "stylists" and "fashion consultants" swoop in on some unsuspecting, innocent person on the streets of some big city. They tell her, "Hey, you look like absolute crap! What's going on with your wardrobe? What were you thinking?" and other completely insulting and presumptious remarks.
Somehow, in the course of this attack, the woman agrees to place her makeup, entire wardrobe (eek!), and hair (triple eek!) in the hands of these idiots. They infiltrate her apartment like militia and ridicule everything in her closet and throw it into a big pile while telling her (as if they hadn't driven home the point on the street) that she is completely incapable of making her own fashion, hair, and makeup decisions. What's more, they assure her that they, these people with a camera crew, fast vocabularies and loud voices, know exactly what she does need in order to "step into the fashion world".
I have to say, I can't watch these things for very long. These predators rip things out of closets that I think are fabulous, like high quality flannel shirts, dark cardigan sweaters, and very high end Dansko clogs (which I adore). They classify them as "boring". (Apparently, anything that is both comfortable and comes in a color actually found in nature qualifies.)
Usually the woman has a very classic, natural look about her. What they do to her makes me crazy, especially what they do to her hair. She'll have a lovely dark brunette mane of hair, and they'll paint all these nasty bronze stripes into it and butcher it with these flipped-up layers that look ridiculous. And her comfy Danskos have now been replaced by PTD's - Podiatric Torture Devices - otherwise known as high heels that are not designed to be walked in for more than 30 feet. I won't even mention the clothing they have forced this poor soul into. Sometimes it's not so bad, like a little black dress or classy suit outfit, but most of the time it's something really unfortunate, like a poncho or wrap in - well, some fluorescent or otherwise obnoxious color not found in nature.
I suppose I'm trendier than some people who are still wearing 80's style hairdos with the oversized color-coordinated bows to match their parachute pants.
But anyone who tries to paint stripes in my hair is asking for it.
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4 comments:
I agree--I think striped hair actually makes them look older (as in prematurely gray)or skunklike. And harsh colors often require one to wear much more makeup in order not to look like death warmed over. Why do people think this is an improvement?! And don't even get me started on the shoes.
I've forbidden myself to watch those things. I can't stand the Mrs. Brady-layered-flipped up hairdos they give EVERYONE. And the clothes are always bad, they never match the bodies of the people who have been ambushed. Natural and eclectic are bad to the stylists and I think they should be rounded up into a fashion police paddywagon. I think the straw that broke the camel's back was the time they got rid of an artist's entire wardrobe- and she definitely had a style that was eclectic yet very becoming to her - and they made her look like a duck-haired female 80s Miami Vice tagalong...sadness.
That's a look I hate - the tiger stripe hair. Highlighting is one thing, but the newest trend is having two completely different colors in full on stripes and it looks horrible. I also hated the trend just before it - the cut that my brother used to call "The WB Cut." The hair is in sort of a whacked out Marlo Thomas That Girl flip, except the ends all point out in little wispy spikes away from the ears. You know the one I mean!
Oh god, I totally know the haircut you're talking about! It's kind of like a more feminine version of the mullet, or what a friend of mine called "The Number 5" hairdo, because when you look at someone's profile who has this hairdo, their hair looks like the number 5. Isn't that hilarious? ;)
Out of morbid curiosity I watched another show recently where they took this poor college student, butchered her gorgeous but simple brown hair, painted all kinds of multi-colored stripes in it, and gave her this abominable little skirt. She looked downright miserable. I've also seen makeover shows where the woman cries at the end because she hates her look. At that point I say to the TV, "SEE?? See what you did? Just leave her alone!"
:)
Darcy
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