Mommy of two! Family of Four!

This post represents Sophie Elizabeth Lewellen's official welcome into the blogosphere! We're thrilled to announce that she was born via VBAC on Wednesday, July 22nd, at 9:54pm. She was born at Columbia St. Mary's Hospital and was 6 pounds, 3 ounces and 19 inches long. She is absolutely perfect, healthy, and cute as a button.

She is developing beautifully and physically thriving. She's 7 weeks old, and at her last pediatrician appointment she weighed over 9.5 pounds. Given how well she eats, we're guessing she's at least 10 pounds by now. She's already wearing some 3 month-sized clothes!

Moo, baby. Moo. Breastfeeding is finally going extremely well after a rocky start. Sophie refused to nurse from the beginning, and we spent lots of energy, money and sanity trying to get her latched on - all to no avail. (You would not believe the bizarre contraptions they have out there to try to help with this sort of thing. It's actually quite disturbing.) Every time she was hungry I'd try to nurse her, and every time she'd get more and more agitated. It was very stressful for both of us, and eventually I just decided to pump bottles for her and bypass the agony. It was such a relief to make that decision. So now I just pump exclusively, and I love it. There are many advantages: David gets to feed Sophie and have that bonding time with her, and the burden of feeding her doesn't fall solely on my shoulders. And it's so nice to just grab a bottle when we're going out (with Ben, I always found nursing while out/in public physically awkward without my nursing cushion). Fortunately I have tons of milk, so we don't need to do any formula supplementing. My great grandmother Lillian Gleason Swartz said of breastfeeding, and giving one of her infant sons mashed potatoes to make him happy when he was hungry: "Women are either heifers or guernseys. I'm a heifer!" I suppose I'm living in the right state. Moo!!

Party in Sophie's crib, 2am! And 3 am! And 5am! The not-so-good news - and I'm not even going to categorize it as necessarily bad because the more I hear from moms, it seems like normal baby behavior - is that Sophie has a "fussy time" of day, anywhere from late afternoon to the wee hours. Some nights are better than others, to say the least. For example, her bad nights are fussy with no sleep from late afternoon to as late as 3:30am. (Yikes!) A comparably good night is uninterrupted sleep from 1:45am-7:45am. We're just learning to roll with it - or at least, we're trying. We've noticed that if we get too attached to the good nights, we're much more easily bent out of shape when they inevitably don't happen. This is not as easy or simple as it may sound, but again, we're trying. You may remember we were quite spoiled with Ben, who has always been (and continues to be, thank god) a great sleeper. Sophie's just different. David has joked that every parent thinks childhood behavior is all about nurture - until they have their second child. :)

What's wrong, baby? We've tried every ridiculous, cockamamied idea that you could possibly imagine to try to soothe her during these times. We have a swing that plays music and has adjustable speeds. Sometimes she sleeps in it, and at other times she hates it. We have a vibrating papasan chair that she sleeps in; we've put it right in her crib. (The vibration does help her sleep, but only during her non-fussy times.) We have a fan in her room that we use for continuous white noise. She has two other crib soothers (a white noise lamb and a Fisher Price lights and music type thing) hanging from her crib rails. We've tried swaddling, which she hates and makes her cry and wriggle even more. We've tried shushing her (a la Happiest Baby on the Block). We tried giving her milk based formula, which made her barf. We tried giving her soy-based formula, which made her projectile barf. I eliminated garlic, onions, and most dairy from my diet thinking my milk was causing her some tummy trauma, but it didn't seem to matter (and the extreme dietary restriction was making me cranky).

But I think we may have finally found the magic potion - literally. Yesterday we bought some Gripe Water at Walgreens, willing to give pretty much anything a try at this point, and gave her the recommended dosage. She smacked her lips and drank it right down as if it were some kind of special treat (it contains chamomile, fennel, and ginger) and went to bed at 1am, an improvement over her recent pattern of staying up until 4! The chamomile is calming, and the other ingredients are excellent for soothing any kind of digestive woes. We are so relieved to have found something that actually works!

Laughter is the best medicine (especially when you're not getting a lot of sleep)! While all of this may seem like a huge drag - and let me tell you, much of this scene is not a bag of laughs most of the time - there are the moments that make it all worthwhile. Sophie just recently started adding coos and cute vocalizations to her already dazzlingly adorable smiles, and Ben is learning more and more words ("apple", "hop" and "hug" are the newest additions to his budding vocabulary). It defies logic, but just one little smile from my sweethearts can wipe out a whole day of accumulated frustration and exhaustion. And the laughing is the best. Kids are just exploding with comedic potential. For example, Ben sees me pumping a lot, and one day he got his hands on a funnel and held it up curiously to his own chest. Where's the camera when you need it?!

But by far the most hilarious moment since Sophie's homecoming was during a night feeding. Sophie let fly with one of her usual sudden, explosive bowel movements - the force and loudness are really quite shocking - and scared one of the cats so badly she went flying out of the room so fast you could hear her claws scraping frantically on the hallway's hardwood floors like a cartoon sound effect. I laughed so hard I woke David up in the next room. I was so tired I just couldn't help it. It definitely made my whole night!!

So there's a glimpse into the world of going from one to two kids, which, as I'm sure you've heard, is not at all as simple as 1 + 1 = 2. It's crazy, exhausting, fun, joyous, frustrating, exasperating, and heartwarming all at the same time. Often within the same minute!

First post of the year?!! Sheesh.

I am so bad about updating this thing. I can't believe that the last time I updated this was right after Ben's 1st birthday. Whoa.

He's now nearly 19 months, which is such a fun age. He is extremely mobile, increasingly interactive (to the dismay of our three cats), and very smart. Certain things about his behavior continue to amaze and interest me. For example, when I was little I loved to color with crayons and would do so for hours. Ben, however, is more interested in getting them out of the box and then putting them back in, getting them back out again, nibbling on the ends, and shoving them in the spiral of the sketch book he occasionally stabs violently with these poor crayons. Maybe it's a guy thing.

It's also fascinating how he prefers certain books (Diggers, Trucks, Things That Go, Planes, Goodnight Moon, Goodnight Gorilla, A to Z, Old MacDonald) and chooses them repeatedly, often 2-3x in one sitting. Or how he can eat an entire egg for breakfast along with fruit and cheese, or how he is smart enough to make the connection between the fire truck coming down the parkway from the fire station up the road and the picture of one in his book.

I am officially 40 weeks, due Saturday (!!), with Ben's little sister, and it's now going wonderfully thanks to an incredible OBGYN who has given me excellent care and guidance throughout this pregnancy. He has a gentle, upbeat, encouraging bedside manner which seems to gel perfectly with my personality (I am much too hard on myself; my previous doc used to yell at me with no concrete advice, which only prompted shame and subsequent inaction). And seeing a specialist has made all the difference. I just saw a family practice doctor for Ben's pregnancy. This isn't always bad, but some family docs don't know (or won't admit) what they don't know, and won't refer you when necessary.

This was definitely the case with my previous doc, who didn't know, for example, that a misleadingly high blood pressure reading late in pregnancy may be the result of abdominal pressure on the vena cava (main vein in the pelvic area), which is easily remedied by lying on one's left side for a few minutes before taking the reading. Considering that Ben was induced 2 weeks early because of a high blood pressure reading taken without this in mind, this is substantial.

Ben now sees a pediatrician, and I am seeing an internist (someone who specializes in adult internal medicine). This specialist thing is just too important.

Things are really calm and relaxed now, and that's so nice. The baby's room is totally ready for her, my hospital bag is packed, the neighbor is ready to come over and watch Ben at any time, and I am emotionally ready to welcome our new little bundle of joy into the world. Before Ben I had no idea how I would react to motherhood or if I would even like it. But now, knowing the immense, sustained, completely real and fulfilling joy it brings...I can't wait. :)

Of course I am not looking forward to the labor part. If I get that far. (I'm going to try to go non-surgically this time; my OB is all for it and is rooting for me to do a VBAC.) But I am definitely looking forward to not being pregnant anymore. ;) The low back/sciatic/pelvic discomforts are getting old, and so is the impaired mobility and fatigue. But this too shall pass. It's temporary, totally normal, and totally worth it. :)

So that's what's up in this corner of the world. Hope you all are enjoying your summer. I'll try to post more frequently in the future!

News from the wild upper-midwest tundra

Wow. Where did the time go? I'll give you the cliff notes version of what's been going on in the Hamlin-Lewellen hemisphere...

1. It's butt-numbingly cold here in Milwaukee. Weather.com just showed us at a whopping 6 degrees with 30mph winds. Which, it computes, means it feels like it's -17 degrees. So we're freezing our gazoingles off. We also got completely bombed with snow. We got a foot of the stuff on Friday, and ever since those dang winds keep blowing it everywhere. The snow drifts are actually quite cool sometimes - you should see the sculptures on our deck through our glass doors. It's like sand dunes only with snow. But on to more pleasant and heartwarming news...(hey, if your ass has to be cold, your heart should at least be warm...)
   
2. Who's a big boy? Who is? Who IS??! Ben is now 1 year old! Where did the time go? I can't remember life without him. He's just such a lovable, happy, well-adjusted little guy. I think what surprises me even more than how fast it's gone is how much I just love his company. His new thing is to crawl very rapidly, slapping his hands and knees down with great enthusiasm, as he chases the cats down the hall with loud sighs/laughs that sound like wheezing. Of course this does not exactly motivate the cats to stay and wait for him to catch them, especially since his primary way of experiencing tactile things is to grab with his fists. He's also switching from formula over to whole milk. This is great for the budget, but not so great for whoever has to clean up a milk barf. Nothing like bilious, sour barf, right? Makes mommy want to join right in.
   
3. My parents gave Ben this great car toy for his birthday that makes all these loud car sounds, honks, makes engine and siren sounds, and vibrates loudly. Ben is scared shitless of it. Poor little guy. David and I were trying our best, quite unsuccessfully, not to laugh as we were comforting him. I bet he'll love it when he's 2 or 3. Ben is the only grandson on both sides and I'm sure my parents were just so glad to be able to buy boy stuff (the princess crap gets old, I'm told).
   
4. We did a whole mess of holiday concerts in the greater Milwaukee area. True, it's mindnumbingly tedious to play a zillion renditions of the Emporer Waltzes, the Robert Russell Bennet "Selections from the Sound of Music", and the Christmas Singalong that feels like it's 20 minutes long with the horns playing nonstop (mouthpiece through the back of the head, anyone?). But these concerts are some of the most important ones we do, because many of the people at the places we go - retirement homes, hospitals, assisted living facilities - would not be able to travel out to see us. To witness the sheer joy and transformation on these people's faces got me so emotional it was difficult to play, especially at the children's hospital where they televised the concert because so many of the children couldn't leave their rooms they were so sick. Just thinking about that makes me tear up like a blubbering idiot. Now that's the true meaning of the holiday season.
   
5. I have become seriously addicted to listening to trance and dance music on my iPod. Is that so wrong? I know the good Zen masters say you should really be fully present for whatever boring or odious chore you have to do (washing the dishes is Thich Nhat Hanh's favorite example), but I find it goes so much faster if I do it with the good ol' little Nano pumpin' through my ear buds. I guess I'm not a very good Zenmaster. I recommend "Rock (Radio Mix)" by M.Y.C, "Sunrise (Radio Edit)" by Angel City, and "Clear Blue Water (Radio Edit)" by OceanLab. All three songs give the best rush! I can be completely exhausted and put this stuff on and get an instant surge of energy. It's total ear caffeine.
   
6. Which is good, because I have gone completely off of actual caffeine except for an occasional mug of green tea, which doesn't even have as much as black tea, which doesn't have as much as coffee. And I've also figured out why so much decaf coffee tastes like complete ass! It's because most of it is chemically processed to remove the caffeine. If you get the water processed stuff, which is so much better for you anyway (who needs a chemical shit storm going on in their body, anyway?!), it actually tastes quite yummy and doesn't give you the jitters (or the shits, which regular coffee often does to me - one of the many reasons I gave it up).
   

So that's it in a nutshell. Alright, so that was a pretty big nutshell. But those of you who know how longwinded I am can appreciate the relative brevity here. Have a great week, and keep any appendages you wish to remain attached to you warm so they don't freeze off and bounce right out onto the frozen pavement!!

Crawling and into EVERYTHING

Whoa! Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I've been busier than Sarah Palin's wardrobe fund manager! Lots to report...where do I start....

Ben started crawling shortly after his 9 month birthday, and he absolutely loves it. At first it started off as this cute little "pull forward/drag knees" sort of motion, and then very quickly it escalated into full-blown maneuvering on all fours. He occasionally does this "bear walk" thing where he drags one leg and uses the other fully extended, little diapered butt stuck proudly in the air. He covers a lot of ground that way.

But wait! There's more! (Geez, I sound like one of those late night infomercials. I gotta write in here more often.)

Standing is also a big hit! He's been pulling himself up more and more, & last week after his afternoon nap I opened the door to find him standing up in his crib, smiling proudly. If we prop him up so he's facing the back of the couch, he'll walk around holding onto the cushions. It's sort of difficult to find things that are safe (i.e., not topple-able) for him to practice standing with, so we might have to buy one of those standing stations or something. Chairs scoot, and plant stands are dangerous. Before long, he'll be running around like a little madman.

Speaking of dangerous, we're working on babyproofing the house. He is getting into absolutely everything. His favorite haunts are, unfortunately for the kitties, the cat food dish and their water fountain in the kitchen. He samples the food pellets eagerly and splashes around in the fountain while shrieking gleefully. We've had to start disciplining. I say, "No touch! No touch! For kitties!" and sometimes he gets it. Sometimes he looks at me like, "What? Me?". A few days ago, for example, he was fixated on the cat food bowl and naughtily kept going back to it no matter how many times I told him no and moved him away. Finally I put him in the playpen, which he hates - it's like Sing Sing to him - and he cried and cried.

Solid food continues to be a big hit, and he's been quite adventurous about sampling (and devouring) more and more adult food. Last week, I fed him pea-sized bites of boneless chicken breast (sauteed in balsamic vinegar) and he snarfed it down eagerly and made loud grunts of approval from his high chair. He also loves David's lentil and bean soups. He enjoys small pieces of clementines, tomatoes, Gerber Finger Food puffs, banana pennies, grape halves, sharp cheddar cheese (he prefers it to provolone), and the timeless classic: Cheerios.

So that's what's been going on in the Beniverse. Tomorrow is Halloween and he's going to be Tigger! :) We're taking him to the nearby mall for several baby-friendly activities, such as free portraits, a hayride, and other fun playing. He'll also get to practice his walking!

Yogaliciousness

I first discovered yoga back in 1996.

Before we talk about yoga, though, I need to give you some background. I had been out of graduate school for 2 years, and frankly, wasn't coping too well. It was the common illusion at CIM that you, of course being the best in your class (ha ha), would win a job right away; but this was not the case for most of us.

In fact, I was only just beginning to break into the freelance scene in Cleveland. I was piecing together a living by juggling several part time jobs, driving ridiculous distances to any orchestras that would have me, and enduring lots of personal stress along with it all.

So of course I fueled my insane lifestyle with chocolate, fast food (hell, who has time to cook with 7 part time jobs?!), diet soda by the bucket, and late-night meals. Often these things were to cure boredom and sleepiness as well as hunger; having something to do on the abysmally dull two-hour drive home from Erie, PA back to Cleveland was preferable to falling asleep at the wheel. And sometimes the wastebasket-sized vat of diet Pepsi was the only thing that kept me awake for a morning kiddie concert when I hadn't gotten home from the previous night's gig until after 1am.

It won't surprise you to learn, then, that after a few years of the space-shuttle mileage drives and ludicrous schedules, I developed a pre-ulceric version of gastritis, or gastric reflux disease (mine was pronounced and quite severe).

I went to my doctor only after I'd eaten enough Tums to turn me into a giant piece of chalk to no avail, and she prescribed a clinical strength Zantac for me. But what was rare in today's medical profession was that she sat down and talked to me for quite a while about other non-medicinal ways I could help heal my condition. (I think I'm only just now beginning to appreciate how lucky I was to be one of the few to get this treatment in today's over-prescribed and under-prevention-educated world of Western medicine.)

She actually recommended yoga and meditation as tools for stress management. For some reason I lit up when she said it, and so I went straight to Borders and bought my first yoga mat, a 3-VHS tape set for beginners, a yoga strap and block (props for modifying the poses for whatever your body needs at that moment). I'll never forget the first time I practiced. As I popped in the tape, I was bracing myself for yet another self-punishing and infinitely annoying exercise routine, with a row of eerily synchronized slap-worthy Barbie clones in their perfect leotards enthusiastically shouting out, "and BREATHE and ONE and TWO and FEEL THE BURN! BLAST that flab!" all with Mickey Mouse plastic lipsticked smiles permanently tattooed on their faces.

Instead the woman (Suzanne Deason, Gaiam's Gentle Yoga for Beginners) was calm and compassionate. I stood in my first Mountain Pose, put my hands together in Namaste, and immediately started crying. It was so kind, so inward and loving - absolutely not what I was used to feeling toward myself, and completely the opposite of what my frenzied life had become. My practice was sporadic but I kept picking it back up. I stopped eating late at night and no longer consumed my usual obscene amounts of chocolate and diet soda. I took about half the bottle of Zantac before I realized that I didn't even need it anymore.

It was then that I really became aware of my own ability to heal myself from the inside out. I read Caroline Myss's _Anatomy of the Spirit_ and for the first time learned about the chakras and their connection to emotion, thought and behavior patterns. I've been a dedicated yoga lover ever since.

So over the past 12 years, I've mostly practiced on my own. I tried several different yoga classes back in NE Ohio, and none of them felt right. There was one studio where the owner had some downright scary and slightly predatory (financially speaking) energy, and that experience alone had me vowing to be a home solitary practitioner for the rest of my life.

I did finally have my first positive experience with a yoga class, given by one of my best friends in Cleveland, Tamara Murphy-Klinder at Mindful Motion in Lakewood. She was so wonderful and the class was such a positive experience that it opened up my mind to looking for a class here in Milwaukee.

The portal for this turned out to be my church. I love the energy there and knew I'd feel comfortable, so when I saw a beginning Hatha Yoga class in the RE class schedule, I signed up. And boy, am I glad I did. I absolutely love it. I surprised myself by being able to do all of the postures and feeling strong and limber during most of them. The teacher, Kris Kramer, is nothing short of amazing. She speaks so informatively and clearly, and is constantly encouraging and knocking down any sorts of mental blocks and insecurities that might prevent you from being fully in your body. I cannot begin to tell you how life altering this is, especially for anyone with body issues.

I just got home from a class with her, and I can still feel my body singing with vibrancy, energy flow, awareness. I feel like my "yoga glow" is radiating out into the next room as I type this! I know I can't cling to it and expect it to last the whole week, but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.